Dear Steph: Am I the problem? Is it me?

A reader asks: my company has high standards that I'm not sure I can meet. Is this a me problem, or a them problem?

💌 Dear Steph is a bi-monthly Leadership Coaching Column designed to help you get a fresh perspective on your leadership and work dilemmas. This is another paid perk of membership. If you’d like to become a paid member to read Dear Steph (and to submit a question), you can do that here.

💌 Dear Steph:

I deeply connected with the story you shared in your essay, ‘Unhooking your worth from your workload,’ where your friend sought support from her boss but was essentially told she couldn’t handle it.

In my current workplace, our leadership team sets exceptionally high standards, frequently pushing us to meet unrealistic goals and deadlines. My team and I consistently rise to the challenge, but it’s taking a toll, and I can sense burnout approaching, not just for me but for my team as well.

As I contemplate looking for other job opportunities or having a hard conversation with my boss, a persistent question lingers in my mind: Is this a personal issue, meaning I’ve lost my edge and can’t meet their high standards anymore, or are their standards unrealistically high to begin with?

I’d appreciate your thoughts!

Sincerely,
Am I the problem?

💌 Dear Am I the Problem?,

Thanks for having the courage to write in. I know it can feel vulnerable to do so when you’re wondering if you’re at the root of the issue.

Let me start by assuring you that you’re not alone in this question (not that you asked, but I know we often wonder if we’re the only ones). I hear a version of this weekly — sometimes almost daily — from clients inside companies.

And I’ve heard it much more throughout and post-COVID.

Because this is our first Dear Steph column, I’m going to begin with one big caveat.

I do not believe you should ever replace my judgement with yours. Use my words to guide your thinking, not as the ultimate answer.

With that…