Balancing the Buckets of Expectation

Your expectations shape your success. Learn how to hold them without letting them spill over.

“Expectations were like fine pottery.
The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.”

~Brandon Sanderson

So much of what we bump up against as humans could be easily categorized as "expectation management."

And if we break it down to the basics, it all fits into four buckets:

🪣 Expectations of ourselves or others that are met (to varying degrees)
🪣 Expectations of ourselves or others that are not met
🪣 Expectations of opportunities or experiences that are met (to varying degrees)
🪣 Expectations of opportunities or experiences that are not met

A lot of how we measure success comes down to where we land in any of these four buckets — ("That project exceeded my expectations" or "I expected that person would contribute more.").

And the gap between what we expect and what we experience is the cause for a lot of frustration, struggle and cognitive dissonance.

It's normal to have expectations: it's how we know what matters to us.

Where we miss the mark is in how we *manage* our expectations.

Here are five questions you can ask yourself or others (team member, colleague, client, vendor, friend, Board chair etc) to help you arrive at expectations that can be fully realized.

➡️ Have I clearly communicated what is expected? Where might I be making some assumptions about what they understand? How can I be clearer? Where do their expectations and mine overlap and where do they conflict?

➡️ Have I set expectations (of myself or others) that are in our locus of control? Can we directly impact our results or are they anyone's guess?

➡️ Do I/we have the resources, time and people required to meet the expectations we've set? Is what's expected actually doable or sustainable?

➡️ Are my expectations a reflection of my values and what matters most, or are they reflective of what I "should" do / "should" have? Am I expecting more than is necessary or required?

➡️ What strategies will I/we employ to stay on track with our expectations along the way? How will we avoid 'expectation elevation'? (The oh-so-common trap when our initial expectation suddenly snowballs out of control).

Managing our expectations is a practice.

It's easy to get excited about what something could be.
It's easy to assume everyone is on the same page.
It's easy to hold ourselves to the highest of standards.

But it’s also hard to feel the crushing pain of expectations gone unmet — leaving our confidence, relationships and work in a precarious spot.

Next time you find yourself setting an expectation (be sure to notice where you’re setting them, even without thinking), run through these five questions first.

Talk about them with others. Use them as a check-in along the way. The more we practice setting and adjusting our expectations, the more resilient, adaptable and successful we become.

And most of all, hold those expectations loosely.

Leader Links

A curated collection of links worth clicking.

— Make better decisions by challenging your expectations (HBR)

— How to feel alive again. Feels timely as we head into February.

— I’m always leery of self-help gurus who promise “the formula” for success. Great marketing doesn’t always equal great results, especially when it appears to be lifted from someone else’s body of work. Gotta say, this was unsurprising and equally disappointing. A simple attribution isn’t hard.

— The difference between reputation and and integrity. A distinction worth us all examining - especially right now — (this article also references the piece on Mel Robbins I listed above).

— This week’s WORTH IT watch:

Work with Me

If you’re looking to grow as a leader, let’s chat.

Being a leader is sometimes lonely, oftentimes challenging work. Especially right now.

People look to you for answers on complex (and not-so-complex) problems all day long. Whether they be clients, staff, the Executive Leadership Team or your community-at-large, it can get overwhelming to be on call for everyone else.

I’m your confidante, your expert guide, your cheerleader, your accountability partner, and your safe place to share the ups and downs of your life and leadership.

I’ll be the person that helps you cool down before you respond to feedback or a hard conversation, and I’ll help you find the words to communicate with clarity and confidence. I’ll help you problem-solve, re-imagine and plan for what’s next.

And I’ll hold your feet to the fire when you find yourself over-thinking, procrastinating or stuck in the mud.

I’ve got space in my calendar for a couple of new clients starting February. If you’d like to explore working together, I’d love to chat.

There are two main ways to work with me:

1. Leadership Coaching — 3, 6 or 9 month engagements

2. On Demand Voxer Coaching — monthly as needed (great over the summer months!)

3. Ambition Audit & Ambition Accelerator coaching — coming soon!

Want to chat? Book a quick chat with me or hit reply and we’ll figure out if coaching is right for you.