The ambition we know vs the ambition we need

It’s time to reimagine our ambitions and shape them into something more meaningful, sustainable, and true to us.

Before we dive in, a friendly request to complete the Ambition, Reimagined survey. This short, anonymous survey will help shape the content for our year-long exploration, and provide insights and reflections as to how we're all navigating our own ambitions. I'll be sharing results in upcoming posts. 

>> You can take the survey right here. 

When I was in my twenties I was very clear about how we commonly defined ambition out in the world: money, status, a business card with an enviable title, awards, opportunity and access.

As I progressed in my career, moving out of non-profit and into the corporate world, I found myself enchanted by the possibility and potential available to me if I ‘leaned in’ and worked hard enough.

And so I did. I volunteered for every committee, I worked long hours at work, I attended all the events, I upgraded my skills, I met with movers and shakers, and I looked for every opportunity that would either position me for something better or look damn good on a resume. It was all alluring and exciting — filled with travel and money and designer suits.

This went on for a few years until one day — after I’d made good money for a while, received numerous awards, had a Rolodex full of business cards (yes, this was a thing), and a very padded resume full of achievements — I suddenly realized that the life I was living wasn’t sustainable or intrinsically fulfilling anymore.

I didn’t feel any less ambitious — I still wanted big things for my life —but the focus of my ambition had significantly changed. I looked out onto the horizon of the path I was walking and had a deep realization that while it looked really freaking good on paper, it no longer left me feeling good in my head and heart.

So with the naive optimism of a 20-something, coupled with some serious exhaustion, I abandoned it all to start my own business and redirect my ambition toward something entirely new and terrifying exciting.

Here we are, almost 17 years later — in my late 40s — and I’m still unpacking what it means to be ambitious and what I’m ambitious about now (and how my ambition has changed).

The ambition we know

A quick scroll through social media reveals a familiar story of ambition: bright headlines, perfectly curated images and enviable lifestyles. And nods to it are everywhere, at every turn — programs, courses, elixirs, self-development seminars, coaches, wellness routines, newsletters, and books — all touting their secrets to success.

Add in everyone’s highlight reels filled with humble brags, career advancements, award notifications and their latest achievements, and it’s not hard to understand how we’ve collectively come to measure success.

I’m not here to make any of that wrong — lord knows I’ve participated in all of it — but rather to name it for what it is.

With a broad brush, I’d posit that the ambition we know — or at least the ambition that’s revered — is an ambition that is shiny, outcome-oriented and extrinsically motivated. It’s largely designed to help move us up the success ladder, collecting financial and social gains along the way — sometimes at great cost to ourselves and to others.

This is the ambition that we see depicted in movies and on TV. It’s the ambition we start hearing about in middle school as we worry about getting grades that will ensure entrance into our preferred schools. It’s the ambition that has us saying yes when we really mean no, because we can’t let an opportunity go by. And it’s the ambition that keeps us in a relentless pursuit of more, often rarely stopping to look how far we’ve come because of how much there still is to do.

I don’t begrudge this, to be clear.

There are things I’ve done and have achieved because of this ambition that have changed my life for the better, and still make me proud to have accomplished.

Ambition has brought many of us success, security and personal growth. But as the world changes, it feels like there's an opportunity to ask for more—more depth, more balance, more sustainability in our pursuits.

And that’s what I want to re-imagine, here with you.

In a world where ambition has often meant pushing harder, working longer, and achieving more, I believe there's a more expansive approach.

My hope is that we can broaden our view of ambition—moving beyond the narrow confines of success and into something more inclusive, meaningful, and personal.

An ambition reckoning

At some point, in the middle of the hustle and the constant striving, I realized that my understanding of ambition felt one-dimensional and restrictive. There wasn't a single 'aha moment'—instead it crept in over years, in between the success milestones and the inevitable setbacks.

I imagine it happened over time — after years and years of blood, sweat and tears poured into a business while trying to also juggle raising two kids, being a good wife and friend, and occasionally finding time to do something just for me.

I imagine it happened after hundreds of conversations with friends, colleagues and clients who had also shifted from being bright-eyed 20-somethings with the big world ahead into 30, 40, 50, 60 and 70-somethings who had a mix of bumps and bruises alongside their wins and gold stars, and a whole lot more responsibility on their plates.

And I imagine it happened over what’s been — I think unarguably — an exhausting, sometimes devastating, often disheartening, decade globally. As the world shifted, so did many of our inner worlds. The ambitions we once held so tightly have been forced into question by circumstances beyond our control, and what used to fuel us now feels like it needs to be reconsidered.

The pandemic alone wore us all out, from which I believe we’re still recovering. Add in the political climate and its accompanying divisiveness, wars and human atrocities, climate change, and the rise of AI — and well, it’s pretty easy to see why so many of us are asking ourselves versions of, “What is it all for? Is this still what I want?”

Our individual situations vary of course — but I think most of us (and please correct me if I’m wrong) are reckoning with this on some level, whether we call it ambition or not.

From my own reflections and the stories I’ve heard, it’s clear that many of us are wrestling with these same questions.

In the Ambition, Reimagined survey, your responses echoed this shared reckoning:

• what does healthy ambition look like at this stage of my life?

• I’m tired, but I still have big goals. How do I get there when my desire is high but my drive is low?

• how do I keep going when the things I’ve been ambitious for, I’ve never achieved?

• how do I balance being ambitious about my career, and being ambitious about my life too?

• what do I want to be when I grow up?

• how do I keep it all sustainable? I get excited but if I’m not careful, I can overdo it.

• as I come into retirement or close to it, what does ambition look like now? Does it still fit?

• what if I can’t do it? What if my ambition is for naught and I’m always behind?

With all of these questions swirling around, it's clear that the ambition we've been chasing may no longer fit like it used to. It’s not that we've lost our drive or our hunger for purpose—it’s just that our definitions of success and ambition need to evolve to meet us where we are today.

The version of ambition that once propelled us forward now feels too small, too narrow and too rigid for the complexity of our lives.

But here’s the thing: ambition in itself isn’t the problem. The problem is the outdated mould we've been pouring it into.

What if ambition didn’t have to be exhausting or relentless? What if it didn’t leave us feeling depleted or like we’re always falling behind?

What if instead, we could reimagine ambition—into something that fuels us, supports us and fits into the reality of our lives right now?

It's time to ask:

What does the ambition we need actually look like?

The ambition we need

This isn’t the part of the essay where I tie things up with a pretty bow and call it complete. I don’t have all the answers here, nor do I want this to be a one-way conversation. My experience of ambition as a 47-year-old straight, married, white woman with kids living in a major city in Canada is not going to represent everyone.

Nor do I believe this will ever be a one-and-done conversation, but rather an ongoing exploration that will change and evolve to reflect what’s happening in our world and in our homes.

That’s why this Ambition, Re-imagined series is a year long…to take time as we expand and refine our vision of ambition, and it’s place in our lives. I’m glad you’re here for the ride and I welcome your voice in the conversation.

In the spirit of getting us started, here are a few beliefs I do have about what broadening our definition of ambition could look like:

• I believe that ambition isn’t inherently a ‘dirty’ word, but what we’ve attached to it (at times) has been

• I believe that ambition can be a positive force for good — both individually and collectively — and that some of the most groundbreaking, life-enhancing things we experience as humans are on the backs of other people’s ambitions

• I believe that our ambition isn’t linear — it ebbs and flows throughout our lives

• I believe that our ambition needs to reflect the season of life we’re in

• I believe that sustainable ambition is NOT an oxymoron

• I believe that the way we’ve come to think about about ambition — largely being tied to work and money and status — is limiting and restrictive, and that we can be ambitious about many things outside of what’s on our business card or our bank account

• I believe that we bump into challenges when we hold on too tightly to old ambitions rather than give ourselves permission to pursue what we’re feeling ambitious about now

• I believe that ambition is more powerful and purposeful than passion because it can propel us into action, and it relinquishes our need to love every minute of it

• And I believe that we’re all craving a different conversation about work, achievement, ambition, hustle, balance and success — even if we don’t totally know what we’re aiming for just yet

These beliefs form the foundation of what we'll explore together this year, but they’re just the beginning of a bigger conversation about what it means to strive—one that will take us on a journey toward more purposeful, sustainable ambition.

For now, I’d love to hear from you in the comments…

What is one thing you believe (or hope to believe) about how ambition could be re-imagined?

And if you haven’t yet, I’d be so grateful if you’d take a few moments to complete the Ambition, Re-imagined survey here. It’s totally anonymous and will help shape the broader conversation here. Thank you!