Waiting won't save you

The longer you hesitate, the harder it gets. Pick a path and go. There is no Goldilocks solution.

I spend a lot of time helping clients wrestle with decisions.

Whether small, medium or big, everyone is looking for the Goldilocks solution—the ‘just right’ approach or action to take next.

As we talk about options, opportunities, scenarios and play out all the possibilities with an eye toward making a decision (read: a commitment), sometimes the answers come easily and have staying power.

But more often than not, self-doubt creeps in and we keep turning the options over and over, hoping we’ll magically land on the perfect choice.

All this time and effort feels important and worthy of our attention.

We tell ourselves we’re being strategic, weighing all the options. But really, we’re exhausting ourselves—stuck in a loop of self-doubt, emotional anguish and major decision fatigue (been there; bought ALL the t-shirts).

There is rarely a right decision.

We are human, we are fallible and let’s face it, a lot of variables are mostly outside our control. Our best choice decision might fail miserably, and our made-at-the-last-minute call might turn out to be amazing.

We like to believe we have the power and control to know, but most of the time, it’s a bit of a crap-shoot.

I said this to a client recently as she sat in the messy in-between—not moving forward, but also not at peace with staying put. She realized all the waiting and wondering was draining her more than the decision itself, causing her unnecessary suffering and using up way more energy and time than the actual activities she was considering.

There’s a time and a place for pausing; not every decision or commitment should be made in haste.

But our job is to discern the difference between intentional deliberation and perfection-driven delays, and then act accordingly.

Remember: no decision is still a decision.

So, how do you know the difference?

The easiest way to know is to asses your recent behaviour. If you haven’t moved forward—whether that’s by researching, learning, experimenting or implementing—on the thing you’re hemming and hawing about, chances are good this limbo isn’t in service of you or your goals.

Exploration isn’t passive—it’s active. It’s movement.

If you’re up in your head about it all (as I am wont to do), you’re likely stuck in a perpetual spiral of confusion, angst and indecision.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

Am I waiting for permission to make this choice?
Am I waiting to feel 100% confident before I begin?
Am I worried if I pick a path it might not work, and then what?
Am I hoping a flash of insight will come with the answers?
Am I scared to commit for fear of keeping things up or being held to my decision?

If you answered yes to any of these then you can be pretty sure you’ve moved out of preparation and planning, and directly into decision purgatory.

From here, the only helpful option is just to pick; trusting that whatever comes next, you can handle it and adjust as needed.

As W.H. Murray said,

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.

Make the decision, commit and trust yourself to move forward.

It’ll likely be messy, bumpy and uncertain at times but that’s part of the process.

Perfection is an illusion. The best we can do is wake up, commit and move forward with what we have, and then adjust accordingly.

And that’s a whole lot less exhausting than waiting for ‘someday’ to arrive.

Need help making an important decision or moving out of the waiting place? Book a complimentary call with me and we’ll explore how to bust you out of limbo and into focused action.

Related posts:

Dear Steph: I don't know what path to pick?

The Before AND After of a Messy, Hard Decision

The Power of a Pause

Leader Links

A curated collection of links worth clicking.

— Why starting is more important than succeeding. I love this piece by James Clear, with the reminder that we tend toward measuring the wrong thing, while neglecting the one that really matters. Whenever I get stuck here, I think of my kids and what I hope they learn and practice: that what matters is their courage to start, not in the absence of fear or failure, but in spite of it.

—Often our tendency toward waiting is really a fear of failure in disguise. As long as we haven’t decided, we’re not at risk of of failing (or succeeding), and it can become easy to stay like this indefinitely. The trap, of course, is what we miss out on as a result. And usually those perceived failures never actually come to pass, and if they do, are but a blip in the grand scheme of our lives. So, Go Ahead and Fail.

— When your technical skills are eclipsed, your humanity will matter more than ever (NYT gift link)

— Worth the listen (CBC Frontburner)

— Along with Frontburner, some of the Substackers I’m turning to right now are:

Timothy Snyder

,

Pantsuit Politics

and

Heather Cox Richardson

. Who/what are you turning to right now? I’d love to hear in the comments.

— An interview with bestselling author, Oliver Burkeman via

Pandora Sykes

— Oliver Burkeman on the futility of time management, the danger of accelerated living and why we need to stop putting off ‘real life’