The words that shape us
Why a few well-placed words can change how people see themselves — and how they show up in the world.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
~Leo Buscaglia
Fifteen Girls, Twelve Boys, One Universal Truth
I spend a lot of time on the bench.
As the long-time team manager for both my daughter’s U15 and my son’s U16 soccer teams, I’ve watched enough games, practices, tournaments and team events to see something clearly: acknowledgement matters.
It certainly looks different from player to player, season to season, team to team. Some kids are loud, confident and eager for attention. Others are quieter, more reserved and often hesitant to ask for feedback. Some thrive under big, animated praise. Others just need a simple high five, a “Hey, I saw that—well done.” Some need far more, others need far less.
But the common thread?
Every single one of them needs to be seen.
The Right Words at the Right Time
On my daughter’s team, words carry weight. The right words can spark confidence, elevate performance and light up their faces from across the field. Most are keen to get their coach’s approval and validation — they want to know they are a valued member of the team.
On my son’s team, the boys don’t always show it the same way, but the need is still there. I see how they stand a little taller when their coach Ethan shouts across the field, “Nice boys! That’s beautiful. Keep going!” How they push themselves harder when they know someone is paying attention enough to acknowledge their efforts, their risk-taking, their moves and their commitment to the team.
But silence —or the kind of quick, generic praise that feels like filler? If you remember being a teenager, you know how quickly that can plant seeds of doubt. And that doubt can have a ripple effect that impacts their play and their enjoyment of the game.
Recognizing their individual and collective efforts keeps them in the game, playing at their best and wholly invested, regardless of the scoreboard.
And that acknowledgement can’t be a one-size-fits-all.
Yes, our top goal scorers deserve a high five after putting a gorgeous shot in the bottom left corner. But it’s also about recognizing our player who made the pass that set up the play. Or the centre back who sprinted back on defence when no one was watching. Or our goalkeeper who brushed off a tough game and was back at it the next day. Or the player who had a rough shift, reset on the bench and went back out there again.
And when they are noticed? You can see the shift—shoulders back, eyes brighter and more confidence in the way they play.
No One Outgrows the Need to Be Seen
Unsurprisingly, this isn’t just true for young athletes. It’s true for all of us. Because who doesn’t appreciate a pat on the back or words of recognition?
(Think back to the last time someone went out of their way to acknowledge you and how good it made you feel — about yourself and about them)
At work, in leadership and in life—people don’t outgrow the need for acknowledgement.
A new employee who’s still figuring things out needs to hear that their fresh perspective is valuable
A seasoned leader navigating uncertainty needs to know that their quiet, steady presence is making an impact
A colleague who took a risk on a project—whether it worked or not—needs to be recognized for their effort
A friend who’s been struggling with a personal challenge needs to know that you see how hard things are and how much you are inspired by their resilience
It feels good to know that someone is a witness to your work, your efforts, your struggle and your wins.
And just like my kids’ teammates, people need different kinds of acknowledgement. Some thrive on public praise — a shout-out on social media or an acknowledgment in the team meeting. Others appreciate a quiet, one-on-one moment or a text saying, “I see you. You’re doing awesome. Keep going.”
Some need a confidence boost. Others just want to know their work mattered.
Everyone likes to know — not just assume or hope — that they are valued.
Your Leadership Takeaways
Here’s how to acknowledge people effectively and generously.
Tailor it to the person – One size doesn’t fit all here. Pay attention to what kind of acknowledgement lands best (public vs. private, verbal vs. written, detailed vs. simple).
Acknowledge the Process, Not Just the Outcome – Recognize effort, growth and persistence, not just the big wins. Often, this type of recognition means even more.
Give them a next step — Where applicable, add a next level step to the acknowledgement to show them how they can use their success to go further. E.g. “I really valued your voice in today’s leadership meeting. You offered keen insights nobody else had the courage to say. Please keep it up and bring that other idea you shared with me to the next meeting. I’ve got your back.”
Be Specific and Sincere – “You did a great job on that” is fine, but “Your attention to detail made that project so much smoother for everyone” is better. The more personal, the better.
Don’t Assume They Know – Many people, especially high achievers, doubt themselves more than you think. What seems obvious to you might be exactly what they need to hear.
Do it regularly — Recognition isn’t a one-and-done task. People need to be reminded of their value and contribution regularly. Put a reminder in your calendar if needed, but never assume that a one-time high-five is enough.
Acknowledge at every level — As a coach to leaders, I can’t tell you how many times senior leaders have said a version of, “It was so nice to hear that others valued my work and leadership. As the boss, I rarely hear that because I’m usually the one delivering it.”
Who Can You Take a Moment to Acknowledge, Today?
Think about your own work, your team, your peers—even the people who lead you. Who’s putting in the effort but not always getting the recognition? Who’s doing the kind of work that doesn’t always get called out, but makes everything run smoother?
Acknowledgement doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. A simple “I really appreciated your efforts today,” can go a long way.
Take a moment today to show someone in your life that you see them — their value, their contribution, their efforts, their growth.
It might just be what turns their day around.
Leader Links
A curated collection of links worth clicking.
— The Secret to Turning Disengaged Employees into Rockstar Team Players
— Love this: Take it anyway by
.“Grace doesn’t come with guarantees. It isn’t neat or predictable. It asks me to let go of the belief that if I try hard enough and am good enough, I can keep things from breaking.
Grace asks me to love anyway. To move forward anyway. To forgive, even when it feels like I’m handing over a piece of myself with no promise it will be held gently. Even knowing it may return bruised, altered, something less than whole.”
— “It’s not your job to be a sh*t umbrella.” One of the solid recommendations in, 10 Ways to Leverage Your Creative Skills to Become a Great Leader.
— Do you over-function or under-function?
“Meanwhile, I urge you to counter-function, if only to try something new — if you power work through your anxiety, will yourself to do nothing but sit on the coach and watch Love Island. If you tend to fall apart in the face of stress, force yourself to go on a walk and make a to-do list. These may be entrenched patterns, but we don’t have to let them define us.”
— And ICYMI…
Work with Me
If you’re looking to grow as a leader, let’s chat.
Being a leader is sometimes lonely, oftentimes challenging work. Especially right now.
People look to you for answers on complex (and not-so-complex) problems all day long. Whether they be clients, staff, the Executive Leadership Team or your community-at-large, it can get overwhelming to be on call for everyone else.
I’m your confidante, your expert guide, your cheerleader, your accountability partner, and your safe place to share the ups and downs of your life and leadership.
I’ll be the person that helps you cool down before you respond to feedback or a hard conversation, and I’ll help you find the words to communicate with clarity and confidence. I’ll help you problem-solve, re-imagine and plan for what’s next.
And I’ll hold your feet to the fire when you find yourself over-thinking, procrastinating or stuck in the mud.
I’ve got space in my calendar for a couple of new clients starting in March. If you’d like to explore working together, I’d love to chat.
There are two main ways to work with me:
Leadership Coaching — 3, 6 or 9 month engagements
On Demand Voxer Coaching — monthly as needed (great over the summer months!)
Ambition Audit & Ambition Accelerator coaching — coming soon!
Want to chat? Book a quick chat with me or hit reply and we’ll figure out if coaching is right for you.
It's so true how a few well-placed words can change how people see themselves. Likewise the lack of words. I thought you said you spend a lot of time on the beach BTW!!!