In the deep end again? Here's a ladder.
If you're struggling to keep your head above water, it’s worth pausing to look at what’s really behind that feeling — and what might help you come up for air.
As I opened the fridge this morning, I glanced at the information page I’d stuck up there weeks ago with details on my daughter’s grade nine graduation event.
Honestly, it was the first time in weeks I’d even noticed it — in the hustle of life, I’d become completely oblivious to its rather prominent placement (the opposite of what I’d intended when I put it there).
As I scanned it through, in between sips of coffee, my first thought was: “Woh, can’t believe my kiddo is almost done middle school and I’ll soon have two high schoolers. How is that possible?”
And my second thought was, “Holy hell, it’s already May and where the heck have the past four months gone? Summer is almost here and I have 86 million thing I haven’t done yet.”
I shut the fridge door, took a deep breath and a big swig of coffee, and told myself I’d sit down after school drop-off and try to get myself sorted.
Here I am now, opting instead to write you this piece — in case you, like me, are feeling a bit behind in life and work.
“I feel like I’m barely keeping up with work stuff, and I’m not sure why that is.”
Three different client conversations last week; same theme — feeling behind on *everything.*
And not just in that chaotic-calendar kind of way, but in a deeper, more disorienting sense — like being stuck in a wave pool, reaching for the ladder to climb out, only to get dragged back under just as your fingers touch the rung.
Everyone I spoke with is doing their best. They’re busy, they’re engaged, they’re showing up to their commitments and communities. They are doing good work.
And yet, the nagging sense of feeling behind permeates their consciousness and leaves them feeling perpetually perplexed and frustrated that they’re not more on top of things.
If you’ve felt like this, which inevitably you have, you know how disconcerting it can be and how badly you want to feel like you’ve got a solid grip on things.
You don’t want to let people down. You don’t want to start each day wondering what to work on because there are 100 things to work on. And you don’t want to find yourself three months later, even further in the deep end of the pool, with the ladder far from grasp.
What’s behind feeling behind?
It’s easy to assume you’re feeling behind because you’re not working hard (strategic, smart, efficiently…insert your word of choice) enough. That it’s a failing on your part or a lack of work ethic that’s brought you to this point.
But that’s rarely, if ever, the case.
[Note: I won’t be taking arguments on this point. You can’t convince me this is a ‘I need to work harder’ problem.]
More than likely, these feelings are symptomatic of a mismatch between your energy and your demands, your plans and your present, your expectations and your reality.
Here are just a few of the reasons you might be feeling behind lately:
You had to redirect your energy to something else, and now as things settle, you struggle to figure out how to pick up the balls you set aside or dropped
You’re tired and in need of break — so you’re not operating at your usual pace
You’re noticing how life is life-ing and unexpected demands or circumstances are pulling your focus
Your January plans no longer meet the moment, requiring you to pivot or adjust to what’s needed now
You overshot your goals and added too much to your plate
You’re caught in scope creep — projects ballooning out, new requests coming in, unanticipated challenges emerging
You’re feeling the low-level hum of the world’s uncertainty and division, which is depleting your energy and distracting you from the day’s tasks
You’re not allocating time to work ON things and instead find yourself always in the weeds IN things
In short, there are any number of wholly justifiable reasons why you’re no longer feeling on top of things, despite your best efforts and intentions.
Reviewing my daughter’s grade nine graduation form triggered the uncomfortable realization that the school year is almost over, and set off an influx of ‘behind’ feelings in me as I tallied all the things I had let slip: writing regularly on this Substack, reading a book (I read 10 books in January; 0 in April), spring cleaning the closets, returning some very belated emails and texts and a million other things.
I noticed that panicky, unsettled feeling creep in and my immediate reaction was to berate myself with a “Get your shit together, Steph” mental message, and then promise myself I’d do whatever I could to catch up.
Luckily, my wiser self kicked in and reminded me that when the alarm bells start blaring loudly — You’re behind. Fix it! Do better! Hurry up! — the answer isn’t to double down on urgency.
It’s to pause.
To take a beat and shift from self-interrogation —“What’s wrong with you?!”— to self-compassion and curiosity —“What would help me feel a little more grounded right now?”
So instead of spiralling into hyper-productivity, list-making mode (tempting though it may be), here are few things I’m keeping in mind—and a few action steps that might help us both.
5 reminders to settle the overwhelm
Living life in catch-up mode is never fun. And while there are times we simply have to dig in and get things done, the way we approach it can make a big difference in how we experience it all.
Here are a few reminders when life feels like a lot.
Feelings aren’t facts.
Just because you feel behind doesn’t mean you are behind.
Before you launch your ‘get my poop in a group’ comeback campaign, question your feelings more thoroughly by sussing out what’s true and what’s not. Review your projects, your goals, your priorities and do an honest assessment of your progress against where you’d hoped to be by this point.
Chances are good, you’re further ahead than you think.
When your plate got fuller — did anything come off?
I see this again and again. We add things to our plates as we go — often unexpected and unplanned for projects, priorities or requests — without ever taking a moment to consider what might need to come off to make room for the new.
Unless you’re already operating with a light load (which I highly doubt), something will need to come off your plate if you want to feel on top of things. So give yourself 15 minutes to do a quick review of what’s on deck and whether the load is too heavy to carry.
Not everything needs to be caught up on.
And remember that most balls bounce — just drop them accordingly.
The season you’re in informs more than you think.
We expect ourselves to operate at a steady pace year-round, but our energy, focus and capacity are deeply shaped by the season we’re in.
Whether it’s the actual season (hello, spring chaos) or a more internal season (grief, growth, transition, recovery), honouring your current context can shift how you move through it.
You’re not meant to bloom nonstop.
You can’t work your way out of depletion.
If you’re tired — which many of us are at this point in the year — then the harsh reality is that you’re either going to push through hoping you can hang on and stay on top of things until you can fit in a break, or you’re going to give yourself permission to slow your roll and take some of the pressure off your pace.
Despite cultural messaging that reinforces the first option, 17 years coaching leaders, executives and entrepreneurs clearly shows me that the second option is the most sustainable…and the most productive in the long run.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
And rest might just be your most productive act.
Focus on the specific micro-moves you can make next
When everything feels like too much, zoom in.
Don’t try to solve it all — just pick one thing. What small move would help you feel even slightly more grounded right now?
Take one step. Complete one action. Delegate one task. Drop one (bouncy) ball.
The goal isn’t to catch up all at once, but to create just enough traction to shift the momentum.
And here’s one final reminder that might go against every bone in your body.
Who cares if you’re behind?
I know, I know — you’re bristling as you read this. I’m bristling as I write it.
But honestly, most of what we do isn’t so urgent that being a few days (or even weeks) behind will make or break anything meaningful.
Yes, do whatever you can to keep your commitments to yourself and others, but also give yourself the grace to be human and fallible by not assigning outsized meaning to being a touch behind.
You’ll catch up. You always do.
Rather than beat yourself up on the way back, take a deep breath and a big swig of coffee, and remember that being in motion is still motion — even if it’s messy or a bit slower than normal.
Every step counts.
Work with Me
Whether you're feeling behind, ahead, or somewhere in between — I’m here to help you move forward with clarity and purpose.
If you’d like to spend the next three months working strategically and intentionally on your most important goals, I have space for two new clients starting this month.
This is a high-touch, high-impact coaching engagement designed to keep you focused on what matters and making meaningful progress — without burning out.
Curious? Book a quick chat or just hit reply and let’s see if it’s a fit.
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